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stress / burnout / panic / numbness
“You seem very sorted out for someone in their twenties” - Z, between talking about queer squats and being a woman in the arts and offering me very spicy noodles that I think might have been stolen.
I had my exit interview today.
I also took the tree home. D suggested that I get a taxi (sensible). The first driver insisted on telling me about his failing marriage in furious detail, then breaking down (very close to D’s home which was ironic as we’d discussed sharing it but decided that Holborn -> Camden -> Kilburn didn’t make much sense). The second driver drove incredibly slowly, and reassuringly kept mentioning how bad his eyesight was.
Flatmate A is seeing a room in a flat this evening, which is very stressful as up until last night we were meant to be searching together. He also does things like talk at me at length and not understand subtle (or even very unsubtle, I’ve-left-the-room type) cues that I might not be interested. There’s also a tendency for him to let me down when we’ve agreed to go to things together, and talk about how he doesn’t have space for friends and how he only wants to date people “at least as emotionally stable as him”, and turns his nose up at people with anxiety issues.
... yeah, I think it might be best to let him go.
My brain keeps running at about a mile a minute but about nothing of worth. I just feel incredibly stressed and anxious and trapped all at once. Being woken up at 4am seems to be the new normal.
I’m seeing J tomorrow, and it’s his birthday (30!) at the weekend. I’m looking forward to seeing him but I have not been a very good girlfriend recently. :( :( :(
I had my exit interview today.
I also took the tree home. D suggested that I get a taxi (sensible). The first driver insisted on telling me about his failing marriage in furious detail, then breaking down (very close to D’s home which was ironic as we’d discussed sharing it but decided that Holborn -> Camden -> Kilburn didn’t make much sense). The second driver drove incredibly slowly, and reassuringly kept mentioning how bad his eyesight was.
Flatmate A is seeing a room in a flat this evening, which is very stressful as up until last night we were meant to be searching together. He also does things like talk at me at length and not understand subtle (or even very unsubtle, I’ve-left-the-room type) cues that I might not be interested. There’s also a tendency for him to let me down when we’ve agreed to go to things together, and talk about how he doesn’t have space for friends and how he only wants to date people “at least as emotionally stable as him”, and turns his nose up at people with anxiety issues.
... yeah, I think it might be best to let him go.
My brain keeps running at about a mile a minute but about nothing of worth. I just feel incredibly stressed and anxious and trapped all at once. Being woken up at 4am seems to be the new normal.
I’m seeing J tomorrow, and it’s his birthday (30!) at the weekend. I’m looking forward to seeing him but I have not been a very good girlfriend recently. :( :( :(